Missing a Friend, a discussion on death

I do not know what happens when we die. The lights may simply go out, and we sleep dreamlessly forever. Or we may dream, and as our bodies decompose our dreams may more and more resemble the dreams of the land, until ours and theirs are all the same…- Derrick Jensen

I miss my friend a lot. It is now over a year ago that he passed away. I would argue by suicide. Perhaps he did not consciously plan it that afternoon after we had just spoken, I was sitting at the pizza place near my new apartment that he had helped me move into that same day. I do believe it was suicide because I know he often spoke about being in states, due to his mental health, of feeling like he was dying and he enjoyed the ”kick” it gave him. I know because we talked about it. He told me. Might sound disgusting but it was highly interesting.

At the same time, he was conflicted about these thoughts. He talked about how one shouldn’t really have to think along those lines and feel so good during such thoughts. I agreed with him one should not, but I also know it is easy to do and I can relate and understand why he did, as much as I can relate to it among so many others as well in today’s industrial maddening human society.

He was so far from alone on feeling like a misanthrope in this society. Of not fitting in, and not wanting to fit in either. He was someone who dearly enjoyed deep discussions upon the issues we face as part of the human species. The problems of civilization (industrial civilization). On Astronomy. His fascination for Queen (yes, the band) and what I brought to our collective music table the insane punk rocker, and now dead, GG Allin, and he had a deep fascination of the beliefs and perceptions of reality of other human cultures than our own.

He was the one that was hooked on quotes such as ”It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”.

When we hung out we usually discussed all the things above but also at times, usually when we were drinking together, we talked about things that perhaps one doesn’t just bring up to anyone. Like porn addiction, jealousy, self-hatred, among other things, and we talked about death. How death is a very natural part of life. No one lives forever. No one. That goes for civilization as well. I miss all these discussions, you were such a good friend.

It is a lonely place to be when one doesn’t feel at home in one’s surroundings and isn’t able to do much about it. Thoughts on death and the feelings of relief when these thoughts come can be of great help to get through yet another experience of negativity. However, I think everyone should all embrace death, even if they are not necessarily suffering from severe depression or other forms of burdens that might draw one’s attention to it. Death is part of life. It is as natural as being born. We are born, we live, and we die. That is fundamental and we should not fear it. Every solar year we live through the cycle of birth, life and ultimately death. It happens all around us all the time. In seasonal climates, such as where I live myself, first comes spring which is the birth. The sheer beauty of spring and how what we perceive as life slowly returns is so awesome, the chatter of birds returning to the land. Then late spring and early summer, life is growing. The world around us turns green it turns into beautiful scents, it turns into warm evenings and nights and then late summer and early autumn starts. The end of a cycle starts. Beautiful colors, that awesome smell of decaying leafs that have fallen to the ground and the decomposition of those who have died to have their children rise up next cycle. It is not scary. It is beauty.

All stages of a life cycle have their beauty, even death if you ask me.  I wonder if my friend is in a stage of a dreamless sleep or if he is on his way to becoming one with the land. I will not know until it is my turn to leave this material reality. But I do hope we will meet again. I miss you friend.


Into sunrise it will end
Under the starlight we will sleep eternally
Hearing the whispers from the sea
And now when the new day takes the pain
We are free there is no more to tell – Reverend Bizarre

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Totalitarian movements/ideologies

What is a totalitarian movement or ideology?

Well, first I would argue that they consist of similar bases, as in the group sees itself as someone that needs in one way or another to have extra protection. That needs to be elevated above everybody else in society because their way of life, their sense of being is more threatened than everybody else. Their so called ”claim to virtue” is under assault unless steps are taken to make sure nobody can touch them.

Another trait that is very common is that they rely a lot in ”fooling” the public by making up enemies or other forms of threats that are not real. Usually by re-branding people they deem as a threat.

An easy example, because we know much about it, are the nazis and their ”undermensch” title that they branded individuals and whole groups of society they saw as a threat to their ”claim to virtue”.  People of other political groups were targeted, Jews were targeted, unemployed people were targeted, mentally challenged people were targeted and so on and so forth. They of course did not just go out and tell the public ”unemployed people are a problem and need to be dealt with.” That wouldn’t have worked. But teaching people about these dangerous and right out dirty elements of society called undermensch, by educating in schools and so on, slowly but steadily people got taught to not like undermensch and over time, when someone got branded by it you would do the right thing and step away, maybe even call the police. The usage of the word criminal in modern times functions in similar ways. Just hear the word and you will most likely have a ready-made view of that person and what that person is, and it’s rarely positive things you think.

The European Church had their version of this too. The term witch got used in similar ways to make sure that no women who threatened the Churches view of the world got in their ways. Women who were healers, doctors in the old ways of medicine (pagan traditions for example) got targeted. Later on it extended to their husbands and their children and relatives. Again, people were taught that a witch was a bad thing, something to fear and stay away from and call the authorities if you suspected someone to be a witch.

During world war 2 a unit called unit 731 took prisoners, mostly Chinese, under order of the Imperial Japanese Army. Unit 731 and carried out some of the most horrifying experimentations ever done to human beings. How did they get away with all this? How did those working in this unit; soldiers, guards and so on not question the motives of the horrifying acts? By branding the prisoners with the term maruta, basically meaning log in English. A maruta, one was taught, was not really a human being. They were told these humans were ”non-human primates” and hence it was ok to experiment on them. The claim to virtue was this had to be done for Japan to remain victorious and win the war. Prisoners were selected to give a wide cross-section of the population and included ”common criminals”, captured bandits and anti-Japanese partisans, political prisoners and also people rounded up by the Kempeitai military police for alleged ”suspicious activities”. These included infants, the elderly and pregnant women. All of these people branded maruta were no longer to seen as human beings.

(On a side note I can mention that instead of being tried for war crimes, the researchers involved in Unit 731 were secretly given immunity by the U.S. in exchange for the data they gathered through human experimentation. At least 3,000 women, children and men were tortured by this unit alone and there were other units/camps during this time too)

As shown here totalitarian ideologies and concepts have existed in many forms and to this day this goes on. I would argue a fairly new concept and showcase of a totalitarian movement is the usage of the term TERF. Here, the saying goes, a TERF (and apparently there is a TERF movement) are out to exterminate trans people. TERFs threaten transgenderist’s own claim to virtue. TERFs are enemies that need to be dealt with.

Again, what happens here is that people who for any reason are not in alignment with the faith of the totalitarian ideology/movement, in this case transgenderism, are potential threats that need to be dealt with. Those branded with the word TERF are usually women and especially homosexual women who for obvious reasons are not into dating human males–no matter what those males claim to be–but in extension anyone who simply doesn’t just bow down to the mindset of transgenderism can be given this label, and as we have seen time and again with these other examples, suddenly it’s ok to threaten and bully. Personhood is removed from the victims of these titles put forward by these movements.

There is a saying in the western world that came about after world war 2 ”never again”, yet society fails to see underneath the titles of these movements time and again. Most likely nazism will never happen again on a big scale but that won’t stop new forms of totalitarian ideas/world views to sprout and gain political power. It seems members of the dominant culture are drawn to this type of mindset time and again.





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Infinite Madness

I live in the outskirts of a city. I live in an apartment. Not that long ago I was sitting outside on the balcony enjoying the late evening of summer. It is beautiful outside. I was watching the night-sky, the little I could see of it. The sun were still lighting up the horizon and light pollution from street lights did its very best to ruin the beautiful blanket we all have above at night.

I was thinking, as I sat there, how fast the growth of industrial society have gone and those across the planet who freely or not so freely are forced into it and how fast the destruction is ongoing.

I am 40+ now, well 41 to be exact, and I remember a time during my youth (during my teens and early adulthood) how it was easy to get a place to live. You could get an apartment on the day basically. This was in the 90s. Fast forward to today and I just read in the news that in general there are 200 people applying on one apartment these days. Talk about being overpopulated. In my own lifetime so far we have gone from having space to in general 200 people fighting over a place to live. And it’s counting. This seems to be a pretty constant factor all across the industrial world. infinite growth means infinite number of humans. Everything tied nicely together to the infinite growth economy. It don’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that we humans, and more to the point industrial humans, are way out of touch with reality. The collective mind (the hive mind) among us industrial humans is making us behave as cancer cells. Grow until you kill the host.

I can’t help but tie this in with the understanding that civilizations–and this is especially true of industrial civilization–themselves are characteristics by the growth of cities and cities are characterized by the growth of people. It never ends with these kind of social setups, does it? They grow and grow until they collapse. Our collective mindset is so out of touch with the rest of life on the planet. Destroy your landbase and you destroy yourself. The landbase is not made up by concrete and asphalt. It’s other species, its other forms of life. Together we all make it possible to live on this planet.

It is not that hard to figure out why about 180 species goes extinct every day or why the rainforest keeps diminishing or why more and more of Indonesian forests goes to become palmoil fields or why more and more humans have to go to prisons for nonhuman animals–we are taught to call them zoos–to see ”wild animals”. It’s ridiculous. We are by this infinite madness of infinite number of humans that are tied to the religion of the infinite growth economy eradicating everything around us. Some might argue that, well, we are building higher buildings more than expanding the cities themselves. Yes this is true but does not really matter in terms of more mouths to feed right? It had not been a problem if we humans did not eat, sleep or shit anywhere. But we do.

This fanatical belief  that one can have infinite growth (and must have or else capitalism will fail) on a finite planet is destroying everything.

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* I will put a trigger warning on this post because it can be triggering for some readers.

I am sitting here thinking. Pounding a thought that has been with me for quite some time now. It’s been coming and going for the last two years or so, a thought regarding rape and what it means. I am specifically thinking about the act carried out by the rapist. Is it something ”anyone can do”? Is it something that is limited to a certain group of people? A certain group of members of the human population? If that is the case, who is that group? On what basis is it tied to this group? And if it makes sense to pin this horrifying act onto one group, why is it that society in general (especially on the juridical level) doesn’t handle it as such?

Rape, a word I see and hear being used more and more in day to day language, is for me tied to an act in which nothing but the worst sides of sexualised terror can be applied. This word, however, is more and more being devalued, watered down. People–and it goes without saying overwhelmingly, us males–throw it around like it carries no real value any more. Young men (and not so young men) playing video games can often be seen writing (or speaking using a microphone while playing online) that ”I just raped you” or ”I’m going to rape you”. Meaning to them that they just did a ‘wonderful’ kill in some FPS (First Person Shooter) game or that they are going after other players in an attempt to kill them to score points. This is of course but one example in which I so often hear (or see) this term being thrown around, seemingly without any real thought behind what actually lies behind the word. What does it truly mean? Does it mean getting kills playing computer games online? Really? I’m not satisfied with that option. Does it mean when men say it to other men that might have hurt their balls from falling in bad ways? ”Ohh, you just got so raped…” really? Does it mean we men having our balls hurt by falling over certain objects that might smack us, painfully, between the legs? Nah, I’m not satisfied with that either. Rape, to me, is a word that should make anyone think ”it’s horrifying/disgusting/indefensible. No one deserves to be raped”, yet it is thrown around without hesitation to the situation and often in combination with laughter among an ever-growing part of the human population.

Before I go on I just want to acknowledge that I am fully aware this is a topic that is hard to handle by many, and rightly so, it is a gruesome act of sexualised violence. An act in which penetration of an orifice–vagina, anus, mouth–has become, for the perpetrator, an urge (this is my personal opinion I might point out) to satisfy a lust to sexually violate. Another way to put it is the perpetrator’s pleasure of penetration–with or without force– triumphs the well-being and needs of the victim.

I might, with these opening words, already have cast a shadow as to whom I am thinking is the soul carrier of this gruesome act. Us males. My own belief is that rape is an act that can only be performed by males. You might disagree with me, but I do hope you will at least read the rest of the post and see my reasons as to why I believe it is so.

Rape is described in dictionaries as ”unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim. ” The act itself is described well here, however, I do disagree on the part that says ”other body part, or foreign object” I also believe it is very vague to simply say ”by a sex organ”. It’s not just any sex organ, it’s the male sexual organ: the penis. How on earth could you ever penetrate anyone with any other sex organ besides the penis/cock/dick/ladystick (the very specific male sex organ has a few names attached to it)? The sneaky thing here that has been done by men, who I believe are the ones who have written this juridical based definition anyway, is to tone down the very male perpetrator itself by being vague and not stating the obvious, for example, the only sex organ possible to penetrate with is the penis. It is us males who carry the weapon, the penis, to do this act. No one else.

I don’t believe females can commit rape. I don’t believe all males are rapists. I believe females can commit hideous crimes of sexual nature, with or without objects. I believe males can commit hideous crimes of sexual nature that is not rape. But Rape, the very core definition for me, is straight up an act of a very specific form of sexualised male violence, which is centred around the penetration with the penis, without the victim’s consent. The amount of force/violence applied to make this happen is irrelevant. The very purpose of rape is for a male to penetrate his victim with his penis. His penis is the weapon and the target is most often a female.

The overwhelming group who are victims of this act are females. This goes without saying. You can look rape statistics up, any place in the world, to see that the overwhelmingly majority of victims of this horrifying sexualised act are female. To joke around with this, to joke around and use it in day to day language is to trivialize a very specific ”systematic” act that we males do overwhelmingly against females all over the planet.

I understand holding this view upsets a lot of people, that I centre rape around us men, but my point here is not to devalue or minimize or trivialize sexually violent behaviors in any way/shape or form. My point is to highlight that we males need to be held collectively accountable for something that occurs on a systematic level among us.

To me, in order to be able to stop rape, one has to be able to define what it truly means. To stop rape is to start highlighting this very specific act of male aggression and sexual violence. The use of force ”to mount” is what rape is. And ”to mount” someone is a very specific act attached to males.

For too long, juridical processes under this patriarchy have watered down the meaning of this male act of sexual violence, so it has become almost invisible. It happens on such a large scale in day to day society that so many people no longer seem to care to think about what the act entails, from the perpetrator to the victim, when a man rapes a woman, child, nonhuman animal or another man.

Now, I need to point out that what I am not saying here is that being penetrated by a foreign object or any other body parts in vagina, anus or any other orifice by violence and without consent is not a hideous crime. Of course it is. Any form of sexual violence, perpetrated by a male or a female should be seen as a hideous crime and dealt with as such. But can we be honest and call it something else? sexual assault? Sexually aggravated assault?

Rape to me means the very specific act of gruesome violation of bodily integrity by a male with the core purpose of pushing his sex organ, the penis, inside of the victim without consent. It is a form of an ultimate sexual expression of domination by the perpetrator and it is without a doubt happening to women on a massive scale. It is systematic from men unto women around the world. It’s endemic. It’s sexual terrorism. It has, in this patriarchy, the sole purpose of violating the boundaries of females. To show them their bodies are not theirs, but belong to us men, whenever we want.

One way some people argue to stop rape is to allow us men to buy certain women, prostitutes or sex workers as some also call them. Women working within the sex industry – an industry that shall function as some kind of legalized rape institution. That men who want to stick their penises into women when they want, now can pay to rape instead. Because that is what it is to me. Paid rape. These women (and sometimes trans people and sometimes men) consent to the money not to the actual sex. Think about it. How often have you met anyone you love and care for that has told you before any sexual activity has taken place between the two of you–whether or not penetration has been part of that sexual act–that you have to pay them first?

It is a very specific act of male violence. It is a hideous form of male violence and it is time we men collectively start naming this problem. Highlight it. Make it visible and help stop it. Females are increasingly being left out in the cold regarding this one, together with a growing number of male victims.

If you don’t think rape as a term should be ‘limited’ to this very specific act of male aggression, then are you willing to name a suggestion of a term/word we could use? We need a word that exclusively name this very specific problem.

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The morning walk – a short story

As she gently walked over the meadow, feeling the soft touch of the ground underneath her bare feet, the sun came through the tall trees that stood majestic at the end of the meadow. The sunlight softly touched her face, warming up the skin and slowly began sending warmth through the body. It was early morning and life was still waking up from its nightly sleep.
She stopped for a minute, gazing towards the tree-line, towards the rising sun. The sheer beauty of what she saw made her feel at peace, in harmony. Slowly breathing in the early morning air of summer. The world, so alive, so rich with magic and wonder, she thought to herself, as she slowly began to move forward again. Around her on the meadow life was waking up as the sun continued to warm up the area. A couple of bumblebees, if still a bit tired, were making their early morning routes over the area. Landing on one flower after the other. Participating in the joy of morning.
She stopped again. A gentle breeze came by, a bumblebee, sitting on a flower right where she stood, made her best effort to stay on the flower as the flower began to move in rhythm with the wind.
The woman closed her eyes and felt how the wind gently ran through her hair and then wrapped her inside a gentle breeze for a brief moment and then it was over. Another encounter of wonder in a world full of richness and life.
She began moving forward again, making sure to look where she put her feet to try and minimize the damage a pair of human feet can cause. She let her fingertips move through the taller grass, feeling the energy of friendship between the tip of the grass and her fingertips. The contact, the communication between fingers and the grass felt joyful, a gentle tickle. The ground started getting a bit firmer as she came closer to the tree-line, something her feet were quick to adapt to.
The ground, a bit colder now, not yet touched by the sun’s rays.
She moved in between the tree-line, into the forest. Inside, birds were already in full swing, having their morning chatter, planning for today’s events and rounding up last night’s gossip. A crow passed by above, giving a ‘good morning’ while flying off into adventures unknown.

The moment of a peaceful walk was slowly coming to an end as she started to see home a few minutes’ walk away. The sheer beauty of this time made her footsteps feel light and easy as she suddenly found herself standing in front of the house. With slow steps she moved up to the front door, opened it, turned around and, with a smile on her face, glimpsed out over the beauty of the world outside the house. “See you tomorrow”, she whispered, turned around and closed the door behind her.

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Casey Neill – Dancing on the ruins of multinational corporations

So summer is on the doorstep for many. And what better to have some uplifting music to get those outdoor campfire parties going? This is a song that has many years on its neck being made back in the mid 90s if I’m not completely mistaken. It has a lyric–not to mention that catchy music–that makes me smile every time I hear it and puts me in a good mood.

Anyway. Enjoy.


We’re dancing on the ruins of multinational corporations
Dancing on the ruins of multinational corporations
Dancing on the ruins of multinational corporations
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Say ”goodbye” to plastic and ”goodbye” to cars
No more convenience stores; ”Hello” to stars!
No more Wall Street and no more Pentagon
Thinking about these things makes me happy.


Goodbye to polystyrene–we’ll put an end to the waste,
There is no time for debating; we have to make haste
If we’re going to survive without computer program minds
We’re going to have to can pop culture!
And say hello to campfires and stomping bare feet
and naked amoebas hungry to eat.
Hello to primal consciousness and love for the land,
now that coyotes are running the country


Sayonara to suburbia and well manicured lawns
Bye-Bye Barbie and Ken doll pawns
no more developers or slimeball execs
your condos are on fire


No more christian country–we’ll have pagan deities
and when we’ve destroyed technology, we all will be free
The pavement will be ripped up, and the skyscrapers cut down
yes! we are coming for your children


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Industrial Civilization – The Ultimate Micromanager

A very good and thoughtful post. ”The importance of what we do for a living is grinded into our thought process at a young age. It’s to get us to submit to the paradigm that nothing is more important than the economy.” I could not agree more with this. Anyway enjoy this post.

Moving Forward

I was talking to my Mom about my Dad retiring from the workplace in the near future.  My Mom thinks my Dad is ready to retire, but once he does he’s going to miss work because work gives him a sense a purpose and he’s always doing something so now he will have all this time on his hands when he retires.

This got me thinking.  First, this is a white privileged conversation because not everyone gets to retire, but second, the defining of us by job titles in the workplace in Industrial Civilization is one of biggest reasons why life on this planet is at death’s doorstep.

The importance of what we do for a living is grinded into our thought process at a young age.  It’s to get us to submit to the paradigm that nothing is more important than the economy.

I think if we asked each…

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