50 shades of male violence

* In this post man means adult human male.  I put no other value upon the word man than that. I’m not arguing for or against any particular identity, I talk about us as a collective in terms of being adult human males.

Woman in this post refers to adult human female, no other values have been added to the word.

Male violence and male aggression are endemic in our time. Endemic means something that is growing or existing in a certain place or region, or common in a particular area or field.  I believe endemic is a very honest description of this particular problem because it is getting hard to not see how male violence and male aggression and so on is strongly tied to the dominant culture and therefore heavily tied into the socialisation we human males go through within this culture and also relying heavily upon the institutions that fuel  this dominant and aggressive perception of the world around us, from religions to the economic system to entertainment and so on.

Now, of course, I am not saying that we men can’t help ourselves. This is the nonsense talk of patriarchy that rather than taking a collective responsibility as men, there is this strong urge to label those men who rape, murder, steal, rob, commit beatings, behave abusively in relationships and so on as ”others”,  like there is something wrong with them.  I of course would agree that it’s wrong to act in these violent ways but they know what they are doing, they are not stupid in that sense. We men (and society overall ) need to stop making excuses and collectively begin to cast light upon this ever growing issue. Are we really going to tolerate that our own sex is actually getting away with so much horrifying violence each and every day ?  I say no!

Here in Sweden, violence against women is horrible (as in all places where it happens of course). To name one example (sadly out of way too many) about 100 rapes a day occur, according to numerous women’s  organisations.  This in the country that claims to be so equal. The problem of course is that people look only at the economic and social scale in which, compared to say 20 years ago, we have more women in power, there is more equality in the wage market  (even though there is still a long road to go) and, looking only at that, you could be mistaken in believing that women have it rather nice here.  But few speak about the real physical world, in which women and men actually live and where a whole other picture emerges. 100 rapes a day. This in a country with about  9,5 million human beings, in which roughly half of the population are women. Think about that for a second, this is NOT an equal country in which women are truly seen as equals to men, or men are seen as equal to women. This is what feminists refer to as sex-based oppression, and is just one way that sex-based oppression can be seen and understood. Porn culture, beauty culture and gender socialisation (which I guess ties in with the previous two) are also parts of the face that is sex-based oppression. We can also look at for example Congo where four women are raped every five minutes . It has become so common that people in various communities there see it as a ”normal” part of day to day living. This is sexualized violence, this is sex-based oppression

This is not the only shade of male violence that male entitlement and male domination takes. There is also misandry (man hating), but misandry happens not from women to men as many would argue but among us men ourselves. The level of bullying, beatings, name calling and so on that occur from men to other men for having long hair, for dressing too ”feminine” (in which I mean typical clothing that this culture would deem to be clothes for females), for ”looking fat”, ”ugly”, ”like a fag”, ”like a girl”, ”like a woman” is very common. It is simply astounding that there is such a high level of ignorance regarding how common male aggressiveness occurs and in various forms.  Which sex destroys a whole football game? Which sex usually seeks out the most degrading, vile porn out there?  Which sex are the ones robbing other people? Murdering  others?  I can fill this list endlessly with the many shades of male violence/aggression that exist out there.

I have been a victim of abusive men, to varying degrees.  Starting when I was a child, my own father was abusive, in school I was picked on because I grew long hair. I looked like ”a girl” for having long hair. Do we need more proof about how much misogyny (women hating) there is in society? At school I was also subjected to homophobia many times over, despite not being an actual gay man. Homophobia roots itself heavily in misogyny, as radical feminists have pointed out. Heterosexual men need to know who are in the ‘fuck category’ because only women can be in the ‘fuck category’ so if other men start messing with this, like men who dress feminine for example, other men get aggressive, because ‘real’ men fuck women, ‘real’ men don’t fuck men. That’s the bottom line of heteronormative male culture. This shows also how homophobia and misogyny are very heavily linked.  Hetero men hate homosexual men, or more to the point, they hate their own projection they put onto men they perceive as homosexual, most commonly because these men are acting outside the gender norm of society, i.e, they are acting/looking feminine so they mess up the ‘fuck category’  because in that category only women should exist. Men who don’t live up to the gender norm get bullied, beaten, name-called and so on,  in attempts to put us back in line, and often this works. I would argue that it has worked so well that there has emerged a whole new political class, the transgender movement. But rather than opposing and calling out this vile male behaviour, many transgender males want to flee this by occupying women spaces. This is not a good solution for women and women pay the price for something they bare no responsibility over.

Personally I have lost count how many times I have been victim of men who have shown aggressive behaviour towards me, sometime in forms of violence and at other times just very intimidating and how did I respond ? Well for a huge chunk of my life I tried to toughen up, of course, because that is what we men are supposed to do.  Act tough!  Get back at them. But on the inside I was never comfortable with this. I was scared and uncomfortable with this. I have also completely lost count how many of my male friends have been victim of similar situations. It is just so common in society that it has become normalized.

Enough is Enough.

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4 kommentarer till 50 shades of male violence

  1. stchauvinism skriver:

    Reblogga detta på Stop Trans Chauvinism.

  2. Dogtowner skriver:

    I am glad to see you write about male-on-male violence. A number of women online say they have wished to be a man — I have NEVER wished to be a man — because men just have it so much better. If one observes how men are kept in line, one might want to moderate that wish. An acquaintance joined the Army and the first thing he saw when he got to boot camp was two men raping another man — he was a small man and knew right away he had to toughen up just to protect himself. The last statistic I heard was that the majority of rapes in the U.S. military are still male-on-male, though women are far more willing to speak out against sexual assault. To me, militarism can never exist without rape, it is rape: rape of the land, rape of other peoples, and rape of fellow soldiers’ bodies.

    • Sundazed skriver:


      Thank you for your comment. Yeah, within the military itself I have no doubt that the majority of rapes occur between males. My guess, however, is that when it comes to military men raping non-military people its women (and children) who becomes targets of rape.

      Male violence is a huge problem and within this patriarchy where everything is measured by how well you dominate others, it most likely will increase before it turns (if it can ever be turned around). However one shall never be silenced to expose male violence. Too much energy is put into hiding it, rendering it invisible when people speaking about problems in society.

      • Dogtowner skriver:

        Exactly. If one turns on the local news where I live (State of Maine, U.S.A., low population), there is nearly always a report about a grown man molesting children or killing someone. Do we ever ask why this happens? Do we ever talk about entitlement or privilege? Never! The fact that it is a male who is harming children or killing a woman appears to be incidental. There is occasional discussion of the link between taking SSRIs (antidepressants) and suicidal/homicidal behavior, but no one points out that 25% of adult American women are being given these drugs (horrifying statistic) and they are NOT engaging in mass murder.

        And of course you are absolutely correct concerning the rape by soldiers of civilians.

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